女人千万别奢望投资了青春，男人就会感动。绝对不！会让男人感动的不是青春，而是智慧。女人问男人有多爱自己，点到即止是甜蜜，过度了便是穷追不舍惹人烦；女人不想男人喝太多酒，温柔提醒是关心，态度强硬则有控制男人生活的意味了；女人耍小脾气要男人哄，适可而止是可爱，得寸进尺便是泼妇了。

女人的青春不是为了男人而存在的，青春应该投入给自己，对吧？

  万万没想到，一个原本毫不在乎的人会让我突然有了改变生活习惯的念头。与其说改变生活习惯，不如说养成一种生活习惯。很好奇如果能每天坚持做一件事情，一年后的自己会有什么样的变化。人就是这么奇怪，总会不自主地逃避一些曾经深刻或一直重要的，谁叫这些深刻与重要总让人有沉重的感觉呢？而那些没有影响关系的人却往往让你没什么负担感，交流起来轻松惬意。或许因为介于熟与不熟之间的关系，大家才会对彼此没有脾气。一直认为没有谁有义务对谁好，所以会学着珍惜别人对自己的好。

  最近又爱上了图书馆，在办公室里懒洋洋地度过一天后，到图书馆静静地看上一两个小时的书，会让我对自己在办公室的懒散少一份愧疚。不晓得自己是在为某种结果而努力着，还是纯粹享受过程。不过能让心不再悬浮着，也算是好事。前俩星期收到作为生日礼物的林达“近距离看美国”系列四本书，似乎提醒了我太久没碰过书本了~~所以最近要完成的其中一个任务便是把它们读完。

  九月确实是个好日子：是开学的日子，有我的生日，是中秋送礼的好时节，还充满了对国庆长假的期待~~ 快点让我放假吧~~

****************

  最近在听徐佳莹，第一次听她的歌，是在KTV里听朋友呐喊着“我身骑白马 走三关”。吸引我去听她专辑的是她那带有情绪的声音，而真正触动我的则是《失落沙洲》的副歌“我不是一定要你回来，只是当又一个人看海，回头才发现你不在，留下我迂回地徘徊”--遗憾的，不是你我的分开，而是少了你与我分享生命的感动。这种声音与旋律的结合带动着某种难以言喻的情绪，一直萦绕在心中。。我不晓得自己在为何而感动，只是觉得这般用心的创作，确实值得追捧一下。。

Aug.23

前些天朋友Z问我:"觉不觉得BLAIR长得像张韶涵?" "别诋毁我的BLAIR" "你喜欢B? 不觉得S好很多吗?"......

人要有那么一点缺点才可爱,不是吗?

人要聪明才可爱..但是过于聪明,机关算尽就不可爱了.所以时而聪明时而傻的人才可爱.

人要风趣才可爱..但是风趣的人爱拿别人开玩笑,不免尖酸.所以懂得自嘲的人最可爱.

人有梦想才可爱..但是梦想容易成为空想.所以追求梦想的人很可爱.

人要有那么一点时尚品味才可爱..但是过于注重打扮难免自恋,自恋的人却不一定自信.所以每周光顾SALON的人不可爱,爱翻时尚杂志的人不可爱,爱坐在星巴克发呆的人更不可爱.. 自信的人最可爱.

人有风度才可爱..但是你不会觉得一个憨厚的老实人可爱,因为人要有那么一点坏才可爱..所以坏坏的gentleman和重感情的bitch最可爱..

Aug.01

八月..很困很炎热..

其实觉得睡觉很浪费时间,可惜人就是不睡觉会死的动物..

其实觉得工作很疲惫,无奈人没了工作就是会机能衰退..

其实人,是很脆弱的动物..只是人,天生就爱故作坚忍以自我保护..

...

恩,好热..喝可乐去..

Jun.28

阿桑去世的时候，很多人才开始上网搜索她的歌来听，然后叹息：这么好的声音就这样离我们而去了。比起阿桑，MJ的离去显得完美多了。不是吗，辉煌时期燃烧得这么剧烈，人生该是无憾了吧。在铺天盖地的关于“巨星陨落”的报道下，还有谁会记着恋童癖的丑闻呢。MJ, u've left..but u're not alone..

Jun.27

Hav u ever thought that u could meet ur first love again 8 years later after u broke up, on the internet and by accident ? It's like something pure which seems u haven't felt for a long time coming back to u, but u just can't touch it again.. Anyway, this feeling of meeting an "old friend" is kinda warm and sweet, though it just lasted a few mins..

Jun.19--好久没听歌

样子很宅,声音很自由..

对,我很outdated..一年前的专辑现在才来听..

"想要的生活怎么有100种"

wow～我又变年轻了～～

Jun.13

看到一个很熟很熟又好久好久没见的朋友上线了，无聊中打开个人资料，发现职业一栏写着一个"promise"。不知道是几年前写下一直没有更新，还是心里一直记着。

越长大就越不相信promise，常有一时冲动的信誓旦旦，最后过眼便是烟。今天看到这个"promise"却满心暖暖的。有这么一个漂亮开朗善良的朋友，我还需要抱怨最近有多么的倒霉么？

they say, shoulder pads may come and go, but a b.f.f is forever. because even when you're not sure where you are headed, it helps to know you're not going there alone.   x.o.x.o.

"what's ur hobby?".. i was asked this question which haven't been thought about for a long time..

to me, this question is as hard as "what's ur strongpoint?" to answer.. i could easily answer the former when i was a little girl with the words "i like drawing, dancing, photograph..." but now, i can only say, "my hobby is sth. that i needn't be laborious and to use my head", diffidently..

it's been a long while that i haven't asked myself "what do i want?" and "what do i want to do?"..

like i said in the former diary, when lost a value system, one should search for another value system to make up for this spiritual loss, so that he/she can have a meaningful life..

so, what do i really want in my life? i don't know..

someone said, today's america is tomorrow's china, and "the 80's generation" is the chinese version of "the beat generation" of american.. but hav u heard that "the beat generation" was not beaten down? they were self-indulgent and lost faith, however, sincere and active at the same time.. can "the 80's generation" make it like "the beat generation" did? we'll see...

i've finished the thesis defence like having drunk.. however, the result was not bad..

the photo taking and dinner party went well..

i thought these 3-4 days back to the uni would hav been boring, but the fact was that we all had a good time..

 finally, we've graduated..

ps: the damn monthly-memory-capacity of bababian's is not enough for the graduation photos..

anyway, bababian is far better than 163, though there's no monthly capacity limitation of the latter, i insist on using bababian rather than 163.

May. 21

a graduation speech from an US tv series

"Today is the day my life begins..

Today, i become a citizen of the world.. Today, i become a grown-up.. Today, i become accountable to someone other than myself and my parents..Accountable to the world, to the future, to all the possibilities that life has to offer..

Starting today.. My job is to show up, wide-eyed, and willing, and ready.. For what? I don't know..For anything. For everything.. To take on life.. To take on love.. To take on the responsibility and posibility..

Today, my friend, our lives begin.. And I, for one, can't wait.."

as the graduation day is coming, there's a brand new start waiting for us ahead..

it's getting closer, and we're getting ready..

May.27

four books, three movies, two bad news, one week..

weeks with nothing to do..

Jun.1

ok, i admit that i'm just blogging.. not diarizing..

u'r right, if these words are gonna be shown to others on purpose, even though just to one person, they can't be from the bottom of the heart.. they're just some pleasant words, or sometimes sad words.. we're not that happy, moved, or sad.. blogs just offer us the stages to have our own shows.. we're not kids any more, words are not always purely true..

anyway, happy children's day.. mum said this is my day..

read an essay today. it's about the collective memories of guangdong's 80后..

the word "80后" refers to the generation following the chinese economic reform and one-child policy, especially poeple born in 1980s who hav better living conditions but carry greater burdens than their predecessors..

it's a generation discussed so much these years, for it's particular condition..

n living in guangdong makes the particular condition more particular..

if this generation is called "having acalcerosis of mind", then those who r living in guangdong r "having acalcerosis of both mind and culture".

as one of the "those", i should say, we're not growing up with a lack of culture. we just don't share the culture condition which is exactly the same with the rest.

we have our own collective memories, which is different from the rest.

we don't watch Spring Festival Gala ( chun wan), we ain't interested in The Black-cat Chief-police (hei mao jing zhang), n we didn't even know what Dolls of Gourd (hu lu wa) is.

instead, we've grown up with 美少女战士, 忍者乱太郎, 龙珠, 飞天少女猪事丁, 蜡笔小新, 男儿当入樽,叮当 ect. we've been starstrucks of Jacky Cheung, Leon Lai, Sammi Cheng, Eason Chan, ect. we liked the programme K-100, 超级无敌奖门人, 劲歌金曲, ect.

we spent our TV-time on the 4 Hongkong TV stations only, TVB翡翠, TVB Pearl, ATV亚洲, n ATV World.

we laughed for the advertising messages like

“唔好饮吖，有菌咖”“活性乳酸菌吖嘛，有益咖” “你今日饮咗未吖？”

“乜你咁削咖”“始终有益维他奶”“如果太多牛奶味，朱古力就冇订企，等到朱古力味道返返黎，d牛奶味又唔争气，啱味啱晒你”

“乜叹花洒咁它调吖”
“喇，唔好搞人d嘢，喇，唔好踢，哎呀，又係烧粟米咁桥，一早知你係粟一烧”

“食卡乐B薯片，千祈唔好问几点”

we used to read the magazine Yes!

remember the song <恶臭摩天轮> which adapted from <幸福摩天轮> ? 

“放多十个榴莲在摩天轮，在高处停顿喊也无用，一阵冤臭随时臭爆鼻孔，唔顶得佢顺极度沉重”..

we luv all of these.. it's not because that we're placing the blind faith in foreign things.. it's just because we know how to appreciate the creativity..

lovin' all these things is not because we're lack of culture, it's because they make up our culture..

u don't understand ?

it doesn't matter..

cuz we do undertand that u don't understand..

May.07

Suddenly Disappear!!

i don't know what i've done that made my unfinished diary suddenly disappeared!!

i'm sure that i didn't do anything wrong~

well, i hav no mood to re-type it..

just...

damn it...

*********************

May.8 

after the "suddenly disappear" matter last night, i forgot what i wanted to talk about originally..

i would've been freaked out~ but i wasn't..

cuz getting mad at a thing or matter is kinda  silly n meaningless, isn't it ?

********************

Just try 2 luv things the way they r .. 

do u talk to an object.. or do u think u can make fds with an object ?

some people like to talk to dolls..some even go out with them..

they believe that the dolls have feelings n can hear them, know them..

i used to believe that these people like imagination more than the reality..

n i thought this is kind of foolish..

but after the times of being scared at night, being at home n didn't want to go out, being outside n didn't know where i belong to... i begin to believe that if i start to luv things, they'll luv me the way i luv them, they'll treat me the way i treat them.. i begin to believe that if i start to have faith in the beautiful world, then it'll display its beautiful side to me, n cover the ugly side which i needn't know about..

u know what i'm saying??

i mean, things don't always go the way i want, but maybe they go the way i believe..

just make a wish, n pray for it, to whoever u want (god, "guan yin", the "you" inside you, whatever..), then u can find the way to achieve the wish..

i'm trying.. to luv things the way they are.. then they'll tell me what i wasn't aware before, they'll help me to learn more..

so, i'm trying..to say to myself that i luv this world, n the world luv me too, again and again..

一个既乐观又爱独自流泪的天使..

乐观跟流泪会矛盾吗? 人生本来就是由矛盾组成的吧..

正如柔美却又坚强的词句,或是平实却有血有肉的言语,都出自同一个善良的灵魂..

我居然还会被曾经反复听到想吐的歌曲所感动..很幼稚吧..

不过写日记不就是为了记下现时的幼稚,以供他日的自己及窥视日记的他人来嘲笑的吗..

  "It was missing a piece.
  And it was not happy. "
　　
  "So it set off in search
  of its missing piece."

"And because it was missing a piece
it could not roll very fast
so it would stop
to talk to a worm
or smell a flower
and sometimes it would pass a beetle
and sometimes the beetle
would pass it "
　　
"and this was the best time of all."

"one day it came upon
another piece that seemed
to be just right. "

"And away it rolled
and because it was
now complete,
it rolled faster
and faster.
Faster than it had
ever rolled before!"

"So fast that it could not stop
to talk to a worm
or smell a flower
too fast for a butterfly to land. "

"So it stopped rolling...
and it set the piece down gently,
and slowly rolled away..."

The above is the abstract of the story. The lesson of this story is that, in some sense, one is more like a complete person when missing something. If having everything needed in this world, you would never know what it feels like to yearn for something and finally get it.  If getting everything wanted in this planet easily, you would never realize that you are a strong person who can go through a tragedy of losing the loved one and still feel like a wholeness about yourself.

3.8..

As a matter of fact, God doesn't know who i am..

3.4..    May god bless me..

TEM-8复习..

单词总背不进脑,听力时总想睡觉,人也快要疯掉..

神啊,我要怎样你才给我成功的预兆~~

祈祷是否会比考前的垂死挣扎有效?

但我不知道如何祈祷..

终于体会到信仰的重要..

愿神原谅我的后知后觉吧,amen..

2.18

小时候照相是为了留住灿烂的笑..

如今照片要经过调饰才会显得美好..

不过,回忆不都是经过润色的时间碎片吗?

有谁的回忆不是经过主观修饰后才显得独一无二的呢..

2.15

最近发现其实负面情绪与正面情绪的搏斗都没有什么好的结果..

于是干脆试着描绘那些负面情绪带来的感觉,

发现漫画家们早在我们儿童时期, 就已经在教我们如何把情绪与感官联系起来了..

其实想想,人生不正像四格描绘情绪的漫画吗?

生活的喜怒哀乐不都像漫画般常常被放大吗?

最后明白,原来漫画家才是我们人生哲学的启蒙导师..

好久没看这么温暖柔和的书了..

<书店的灯光>..一个爱书人的回忆..

有谁不是依靠一份痴迷而活着的呢?

...

爱书的人,在生活中无时不忘阅读;

爱旅行的人,在生活中无时不忘观察;

爱摄影的人,在生活中无时不忘发现...

痴迷像是一场单思病,

但若没有这种病,生活也将走向枯竭..

...

今夜,不谈浪漫,不谈文化..

在橘黄灯光下,畅谈回忆..

回深圳一个星期,在家足足待了一个星期..

除了跟我的胃和大肠那俩不负责任的家伙搏斗外,

也跟书和电影交流了一下..

希望能风雨不改地每天坚持阅读,不要希里糊涂过日子..

其实20来岁人也难得有这么多时间来让脑袋放空..

也不知道接下来要干嘛,不知道往后日子会怎样..

希望是忙得不可开交的日子..

因为与其闲坐在办公室,不如带上相机做逃离城市的孩子..

Jun .06

I'm in luv with u, cafe..

the longer i'm here, the more i luv u..

严格地说,这里不能算是一间CAFE..

我也从来没在这里点过咖啡..

不过,饮料跟食物的性价比很高..

最重要的是,这里的环境不收费..

不敢这么光明正大地拍,所以贴张"官方照片"..

其实或许应该庆幸我只是一个普通人..

如果说在班上被点中发言的几率是10%,那么我就是90%..如果说走在街上被抢劫的几率是1%,那我就是99%..如果说飞机失事的几率是0.1%,那我一定是99.9%..如果说患绝症的几率是0.01%,那么我一定是99.99%..如果说买六合彩的中奖几率是0.001%,我一定是99.999%,知道这个结果,我就可以免去等待开奖的那份不安定感..

一直很满意普通人这个角色..因为我是普通人,所以我可以放纵自己的懒惰和懦弱; 因为我是普通人,所以我不需要学习经营管理之道; 因为我是普通人,所以我不需要尝试太多的挑战; 因为我是普通人,所以我不需要冒险去做先驱,不需要有前卫的思想,不需要对不公正作出抗议..这样,我就能一直很安全,很安稳,很安定..

当然,也有很多人不想做普通人.. 

而且你会发现这些人原来是超人,因为你只会看到开始和结果,过程都被忽略..有人想要房子,于是他有了房子; 有人想要出名,于是他出现在YOUTUBE上; 有人想要出国,于是他过了GRE...就连他们本人,都很健忘..他们写完一份计划,然后就完成了; 他们说要尝试一项投资,然后就赚钱了; 他们走进餐厅,然后就饱了..过程的苦被缩小得让我以为读了<货币战争>就能成为克鲁格曼..

但是当我发现:你向我走近一步,我却没有勇气去走剩余的九十九步;你可以为我的幸福期待,我却没办法为你的快乐落泪;你为我指示方向，我却犹豫不前..我就更确定自己只是个普通人..我不知道什么是直觉,不理解"跟着感觉走"的浪漫,更不懂得何为洞悉世事的敏锐感..因为我无奈只是个普通人..